My [27 F] husband [31 M] of one month, together for 3 years, has been pursuing/sexting...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Boh, Nov 9, 2018.

  1. Boh

    Boh level up

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    Feb 14, 2018
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    Sorry if this is disjointed. I'm shaking right now and can't think properly.

    My husband and I have only been married for a month, together for three years. Recently (maybe two months or so ago) he came out and said he reconnected with an ex of his (his most recent -- they were together for 6 years, never married. We're both each other's first marriage). I assume now that he was trying to be open about this so I wouldn't become suspicious. He said she had finished her education that she had dreamed of pursuing when they were together, and that they might meet up for coffee to catch up since she was back in our country now. I didn't really think much of it -- thought it was a little weird, but if they ended amicably, I guessed it wasn't too out there. I asked if he wanted me to come (we typically do most social engagements together), and he declined saying it'd be weird to introduce an ex to his wife. Again, I thought that was a bit weird if everything was normal and 3+ years had passed, but fine. He's allowed to have friends that aren't mutual with mine.

    During this time he started to become more possessive of his phone, often going to the bathroom for long periods. He usually takes his time on bathroom trips, and it's normal to bring your phone in for entertainment. All normal. Until, sorry for tmi, I started to notice there would be zero aroma in the bathroom every time he'd take one of these trips. We don't have a fan in the bathroom and the door was always closed, so that seemed a little off to me. Still wrote it off and told myself I was being paranoid.

    It got to the point where (after a couple of weeks of him staying up late when I had already gone to bed, continued phone possessiveness, absentmindedness) I started to be a bit concerned, so I tried to find this girl's socials. Only found her tumblr (apparently adults still use that website?? she seems to have a somewhat notable following) so I don't think she has a facebook, but I noticed she made personal posts using my husband's name. Let's call him John. She'd post things like "had a wonderful day with John" and then tag it with things that seemed to indicate a romantic and/or sexual relationship. My blood ran cold. I started to match the timestamps of the posts to times he was out -- staying late at work, mostly. Note that my husband's a homebody and very rarely leaves the house if not for work or some sort of engagement we have together. I'm really tech savvy so I don't know why he didn't consider the very real possibility that I could find her online with ease. Maybe he just didn't care.

    After reading all of this I still didn't have concrete proof, so I kept my mouth shut about it when he came home from work (I get home before he does) and watched the habits continue while desperately trying to keep a poker face. He asked me a few times if something was up, which I blamed on hormones and being emotional (we just moved and I'm very far from my family now) and he seemed to believe it. I started to become obsessed with this girl's blog, as she would semi-regularly post about my husband in both explicit and non-explicit terms. It has been driving me crazy.

    Just today I was finally able to look at his phone -- he finally broke his umbilical cord to it, probably on accident, but maybe he got confident that I was in the dark -- and saw the texts. And the nudes. From both of them. Apparently he told her that I am his girlfriend. She acknowledged that that was fucked up, but seemed to be okay with it after he reassured her that our relationship was failing and he was about to back out of it after he got the strength. This has apparently been going on for around a year, maybe more if he deleted older correspondence.

    I'm truly at a loss. He tells me he loves me every day. That I'm beautiful. That he's so lucky to have me and so thankful for all I do. We shared meals together every day and spend every moment we can together (before this, anyway). We have a healthy sex life. We just had sex last night, even -- I've been paranoid about the girl but not so much that I was unable to be intimate with him. That is no longer the case as of today. He was sexting and emotionally cheating (who knows if physically cheating -- was not able to find any evidence of that) since about the time he PROPOSED to me.

    I know we've been married for a very brief time but I still have to go through the divorce. I'm so scared and don't know if I can afford a lawyer on my own. I literally just got laid off from my job and after we moved, my support system is pretty much gone. I can't just drive to my parents house (they're 7 hours away now) or cry at my best friend's apartment. We have no children (were planning on one..ha.....) but do share a savings account. I just don't know what to do. I'm screaming inside and part of me is glad I'm newly unemployed as I've had all day to scream and cry and vomit alone. I really need some sort of tips to get through this.

    tl;dr new husband, long-term relationship: husband started acting suspiciously, found out he's been cheating on me/sexting another woman. need advice on how to proceed with getting the hell out with limited resources

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